Questions for myself

I want to know myself better. I want to love and appreciate me. I want to find my lost self. I hope I find me in this journey.

1. What's been bugging you?

My internet friend, Steven, ditched me for his girlfriend and stopped texting me. 

2. Why is it bugging you?

Because we were friends for five months. I always listened to him and even did sexting. He knew that I am lonely and suicidal. He knew I had feelings for him. so how come he ditched me like that?? I get it that he loves his girlfriend more than me but at least, he should have checked up on me. Just as a friend. 

3. Why does his not checking up on you bug you so much? You have other friends that do not check up on you but you're okay with that.

Steven is special. He made me feel loved and needed. He showered me with compliments. He was compassionate. Without him, I feel unworthy and unloved.

4. Why does Steven's checking up on you make you feel worthy?

Because it shows that he cares about me and wants me. I only feel worthy if someone wants me.

My value    :

I only feel worthy if someone wants me.

My metric    :

Being checked up through texts. 

Perhaps I am already worthy without everyone wanting me and checking up on me. I shouldn't measure my worthiness based on Steven's checking me up through texts. That's completely ridiculous. I am valuable by default even though people like Steven treats me badly. I am worthy by default.