I still talk to Steven. It's only small talks. You know just "hey, how are you? I am okay, thanks" kind of conversation. I don't talk to him everyday. Maybe just twice or three times a week. He uploaded a video of him and his girlfriend. They were laughing and cuddling. The video was black and white but looked colorful to me. It's like watching a movie that I can't relate to. All my life I never cuddled with someone. and their laugh...it was full of love. At that moment i realized that they live in a very different world from mine. 

I also realized that my rejection was a blessing for him. If i had not rejected him, he wouldn't date her. He wouldn't be happy like he is now. He wouldn't have the chance to laugh or cuddle. Once again, I was right about everything. I think i have done the right thing but why am i so unhappy? It's getting harder to breathe. I feel like i am getting closer to the edge. 

I don't want to exist anymore. I will def leave this world.