Hello...
It's been a weeks since I posted here. I quit my teaching job because I passed the civil servant exam. I am happy because finally I am gonna have my own place and live the way I want. but I am a little bumped out because they gonna put me in a isolated village with rivers, woods and a bunch of hilly billies. The village has bad receptions so youtube and reddit will be out of my life. TV is only for night time because of regular blackouts during day time. My life will be rough because no internet means no distractions from voices in my head. my inferiority complex is getting worse because i have a master's degree but end up being a junior high school teacher in an isolated village while most my friends become lecturers in big cities. in my head, they look at me and laugh.
hey...... sorry i forgot why i am here in the first place. i am not here to vent. i just want to tell you about the novel that i read "Fox 8". It is a very good novel about a fox who learn the "Yuman" language and his point of views about "Yuman". There is one phrase that caught my attention from the novel.
"if you want your stories to end happy, try being nicer" - fox 8
I can relate to what the fox says. I always want to a happy life where I can enjoy everything. but i cant have such life because i always hate myself. The way i talk to myself is so mean and rude. I can comfort people, talk to them so polite and sweet but I never did that to myself. I treat myself like a garbage. that's why i am always sad and suicidal. I want to treat myself the way i treat people. i want to be nice and kind. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I want to change now.
i think that's all i want to say. i am gonna read another novel "metamorphosis". i am gonna tell about it later. see you.
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