Dear everyone.....

I can't believe that we are in the first day of 2019. To be honest, I am not happy. I woke up with baggy eyes, swollen face and horrible mood. What happen to me? why am I not happy like the majority of living creatures out there? I am stressed with everything. I don't think I achieved anything great in 2018, well, except for making delicious Korean spicy wings. Most of my friends are in relationship, have stable job, or do charity somewhere. Not all of them tho, I do know some losers like me, but at least they get to spend their vacation with their family and look very happy with their loser life. What about me?? I was alone in my room, typing stupid essay about English vocabulary. I ate spinach and very salty fries like a fucking goat. I did not even finish my essay, I cried my eyes out instead. I stayed up until 2:11, so my face swollen like hell. That was not the first time I cried during new year's eve. I have always been sad during December. no friends visit me during christmas and  New year's eve with my family has always  sucked. I sound like a whiny bitch right now, I know. I have always been a whiny bitch anyway. I am too emotional and sensitive, but I don't want to share my feelings with anyone because I am afraid they view me as weak person. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed with all these negative feelings I want to disappear. But I can't kill myself. Even thought I want to, I despise pain. So, what can I do? I am just going to try to live my life. hopefully, i don't become a loser this year. Happy fucking New Year every one.